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The Steampunk of Ballykillduff

The Steampunk of Ballykillduff

In Ballykillduff, where the bog-cottons grow,
And tractors move slower than clouds ever go,
There rumbles a marvel of brasswork and puff:
The whistling contraption of Ballykillduff.

Its chimney-stack belches a lavender steam,
Its pistons clank onwards like parts of a dream,
The gears all turn sideways, the wheels spin askew,
And no one can say what it’s meant to do.

The smith in his apron declares with a cough,
“It brews tea at dawn, and it scares crows right off!
It mends broken fences, it churns up the peat,
And plays merry jigs with mechanical feet!”

The priest shook his head and the postman grew pale,
The barber got tangled in coppery rail,
The schoolchildren cheered as it huffed down the lane,
Whistling out sermons in high-tin refrain.

At night by the pub, when the fiddles strike up,
It gulps down the porter from pint glass or cup,
Then sings out in whistles, all clattering gruff—
The wild steampunk wonder of Ballykillduff!

And though it may rattle, and though it may groan,
And sometimes forgets the way home of its own,
The villagers say, with a fond sort of pride:
“It’s daft as a donkey—but ours to ride!”

 

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Alice on Top of the World

Alice on Top of the World

Chapter One
Into the Abyss

It was many years later when Alice found herself on another adventure—though, to her surprise, she was once again a child, no older than when she first tumbled into Wonderland and slipped through that curious Looking Glass.

“How curious,” she whispered, trying to recall the girl she had once been.

Suddenly, the White Rabbit appeared before her, looking impatient. “Took your time getting here,” he quipped.

“I beg your pardon?” Alice replied, recalling how rude he could be—particularly when he felt so inclined.

“I said you took your time. You should have been here fourteen years ago,” he huffed indignantly, hopping briskly away.

“But,” Alice stuttered, running after him, “I have no idea how I arrived, let alone why I’m so late!”

“We accept no ifs or buts here—by now, you should know that,” the Rabbit said, as a door suddenly materialized beside him. Without hesitation, he pushed it open. “Hurry up—please don’t dawdle.”

Alice hurried through the doorway, struggling to keep pace with the rapid-hopping Rabbit. She wondered if he’d got out of bed on the wrong side that morning, for he seemed quite grumpy on such a lovely day. The sun shone brightly, warming everything around them.

“I wonder where I might be,” she mused, admiring the pink forget-me-nots that lined a winding path before her. “Am I in Wonderland?” she asked, just as another door—similar to the first—appeared.

The Rabbit gave her a peculiar look. “Of course we’re not in Wonderland,” he said, opening the door with a flourish. “We’re on top of the world.” Then, with a wink, he scurried down another winding path, bordered by more pink forget-me-nots.

“The top of the world?” Alice gasped, surprised. “That’s impossible!”

The Rabbit stopped and turned to face her. “Then how can you be here if it’s impossible?”

Alice hesitated, flummoxed by his question. The only reply she managed was, “I bet you’re mad!”

“Mad? Oh, that all depends,” the Rabbit said, with a sly grin. “Depends on whether you mean mad or mad.”

“That’s silly,” Alice insisted. “They both mean the same thing.”

“Not quite,” replied the Rabbit, his eyes gleaming. “If you’re mad number one—and someone calls you mad number two—you might just be very mad indeed about such a fundamental mistake.”

“I’m not mad!” Alice declared, stamping her foot in frustration. She changed the subject, noticing another door had appeared. “Look—another door. Shall I try opening it?”

The White Rabbit reached for the handle, but the door stubbornly refused to budge.

“May I try?” Alice asked, feeling quite un-mad.

Standing back, the Rabbit said nothing. Instead, his tiny, beady eyes watched her intently.

Alice grasped the handle and pushed. The door swung open easily, revealing a dark, yawning hole. She stepped through without hesitation and tumbled into a vast, gaping abyss.

“No, I don’t want to go back up there—no matter how tempting the top of the world might be,” she muttered, staring at the tiny speck of light far above her. “It’s much too far!”

Before she could grasp what was happening, something passed her by in the darkness—she couldn’t see what, only hear its rushing sound. Clinging tightly, she rode it out of the well.

Surprisingly, she found herself on the back of a baby hippopotamus, its skin as smooth as silk. She wondered how she’d managed to stay on long enough to escape that shadowy place. But before she could think further, she slipped and slid off the hippopotamus, landing heavily on the dusty ground.

“I don’t like this place,” she moaned. “I don’t like it at all.”

“You don’t like it?” squawked the baby hippopotamus, its voice high-pitched and surprisingly cheerful for such a hefty creature. “How do you think I feel? There’s not a drop of water in sight—none! And we hippos need water—lots of it!”

Alice brushed dust off her dress and nodded politely. “Mr. Hippopotamus, thank you for the ride—truly the most comfortable hippopotamus ride I’ve ever had.” (Though she omitted to mention she’d never actually ridden one before.) “Thank you again.”

“My dear child,” he replied, “you’re so light I hardly felt you at all. Feel free to jump on my back anytime I pass by, if you need another ride out of that dark place.”

“Thank you,” Alice said with a smile. “I’ll keep that in mind—and treasure your kind offer.”

With that, the hippopotamus sank back into the darkness, searching for water. But before he could begin, another soft landing echoed nearby—though it was nowhere near as gentle as Alice’s.

Before she could say “Jack Robinson,” the White Rabbit reappeared—this time riding backwards on the baby hippopotamus’s back, heading toward the bright light ahead.

He scolded Alice for falling down the hole, then paused. “If there’s going to be any hole-falling around here, we’ll need a vote—decide who’s first and who’s second,” he declared. Alice nodded, though she suspected he might be quite mad—or maybe both.

Suddenly, a new winding path appeared before them. But this one was different—less inviting. Instead of pink forget-me-nots, enormous, green aspidistras with snapping beaks awaited, their mouths wide and hungry.

“Come on, Alice,” urged the Rabbit, rushing past the threatening plants. “We need to get to the top of the world!”

Alice gasped as the first aspidistra snatched at his thick fur, tearing a large wad from his back. “We must return to the top of the world,” he insisted, seemingly unbothered by the danger.

Not wanting to admit she was a little frightened of the strange, snapping plants—and not eager to ask for help—Alice prepared to step down that perilous path.

But the Rabbit was already far ahead. Alice hesitated, closing her eyes and taking a tentative step. She hoped—just hoped—to catch up with him before the plants could reach her.

No sooner had she begun than one of the beaks lunged for her left ear, another yanked her hair, and a third tried to nip her nose.

“Stop that!” Alice shouted. “Stop it this instant, or I’ll dig you all up and replant you with rhubarb!”

The beaks froze midattack, and Alice inspected her head. Everything was intact. She heaved a sigh of relief.

“Thank you,” she said. “I can’t imagine what’s gotten into you—plants aren’t supposed to be terrible, awful things.”

As she gazed at the towering, beak-mouthed plants, she thought she heard a faint cry. “Who’s crying?” she asked.

Despite listening carefully, she heard no reply—only the swaying of the plants’ stalks. Then they began to shake, their beak mouths moving high above her.

“Stop that,” Alice commanded. “Tell me—who’s crying?”

One of the plants, swaying more than the others, began to speak. “She’s crying,” it said softly, “the little offshoot near my wife—see?” A long, leafy arm pointed across to the right.

“Your wife?” Alice asked in surprise. “Plants can get married?”

“Yes,” the plant replied, swaying gently. “Can you see them?”

“I might, if you’d stop swaying,” Alice said, feeling a little dizzy. “You’re making me feel sick.”

“I can’t help it,” the plant admitted. “When we’re upset, we sway. It’s our way of expressing how we feel—like when the wind blows through us, and we don’t like it.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Alice said kindly. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You could promise not to dig us up,” the plant whispered, voice trembling.

“Of course I won’t,” Alice promised, “not after how rudely I was treated. I only said that because I was frightened.”

The plants stopped swaying, allowing Alice to see the tiny aspidistra nestled under its mother’s broad leaves. Without fear, she moved closer, reaching out to the little one.

“I’m truly sorry,” she said softly. “If I upset you, please forgive me.”

“Yes,” the baby plant replied, trying not to sob. “And we’re sorry for frightening you. We’re just so hungry… normally we’re happy, with smiling beaks to greet travelers.”

Confused, Alice asked, “Hungry? How can you be hungry when your roots find all the food you need?”

“Fertilizer,” the mother explained. “All plants need it at some point. But none of us have had any for ages. I’ve never even seen it!”

“This is terrible,” Alice muttered, scratching her head. “I’ll find you some—enough to feed you all.”

The beaks seemed to smile—if they could—and began chattering excitedly about the fertilizer mine. Alice listened as they described a place she’d never seen, where the precious stuff was stored.

“Where is this mine?” she asked.

“I’m sorry,” the mother admitted. “We don’t know exactly. But we believe it exists.”

Determined to help, Alice promised, “I’ll find you fertilizer. I’ll make sure you have enough to grow strong and happy.”

CONTD

a new alice in wonderland story

 

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It’s Rotter, not Potter

It’s Rotter, not Potter

Rotter, not Potter

Chapter One: No, Our Best China’s in There!

********************************
Mr. and Mrs. Privet of number five Dorsley Drive were anything but normal. They had been perfectly ordinary just weeks earlier, but now they were as unhinged as the residents of the local asylum.
On the surface, Mr. Privet—a tall, bald, impossibly thin man—appeared respectable enough. Beneath that facade, however, he was a writhing mass of nervous tics, peculiar habits, peptic ulcers, and unbridled neurosis. Mrs. Privet, extraordinarily stout and equally afflicted by her husband’s madness, suffered from an additional torment: voices in her head. They might whisper to her at any hour, causing her to bolt upright in bed, shrieking so violently that her husband would shake uncontrollably for minutes afterward.
Despite these afflictions, the Privets attempted to maintain some semblance of normalcy. Yet hardly a day passed without one of them succumbing to an episode that would have sent most people fleeing in terror.
Before continuing, I must tell you about their son, Box Privet. This child—the apple of their bloodshot eyes—shared his father’s towering, skeletal frame. His classmates often mocked his appearance, but Box paid them no mind. His heart belonged entirely to electronics. In his cramped bedroom, he spent countless hours with soldering iron and needle-nose pliers, crafting his inventions. It was solitary work, but it was his passion.
The Privets had been among the happiest families on their estate of mock-Elizabethan houses. Their contentment, however, was built on a foundation of secrecy. As long as their terrible secret remained contained at Hagswords, a private boarding school with a reputation for handling “difficult” children, they had enjoyed peace. But the moment that secret escaped its institutional prison, their tranquil existence shattered.
The secret was a young girl—an orphan, their only niece—named Harry Rotter. Christened Harriet, she had insisted from an early age that everyone call her Harry.
Harry was the boldest, cruelest, most vindictive child you could have the misfortune to encounter. With her cascade of golden hair and angelic features, she appeared innocent enough to fool anyone. But beneath that cherubic exterior lurked a ruthless bully who respected no one but herself. She had a talent for making everyone around her miserable—and she wielded it with precision.
While Harry remained safely locked away at school, the Privets could forget their troublesome niece. But when she broke out of that high-security institution and appeared on their doorstep, their lives changed forever.
“Excuse me,” Harry said with perfect politeness when Mrs. Privet opened the door. “I’m your only niece. Could you put me up for a few days?”
“Young Harriet, isn’t it?” Mrs. Privet patted her head nervously. “Are you on holiday from school?”
Ignoring the question while suppressing the urge to kick the condescending woman, Harry smiled sweetly. “I prefer Harry, if you don’t mind.”
“Yes, of course.” Mrs. Privet ushered her through the doorway, glancing anxiously up and down the empty street. “Please, go into the sitting room.”
The family cat streaked past Harry and out the door as if fleeing for its life.
Harry surveyed the room with distaste—too much stained glass and wood paneling, just like Hagswords.
“Sit down, make yourself comfortable,” Mrs. Privet said. “I’ll fetch you some lemonade. You must be parched from traveling. Then I’ll tell your uncle you’re here.”
Mrs. Privet hurried to the hallway and opened the small door beneath the stairs. “Dear,” she called down to the cellar, “we have a visitor.”
“Who?” came the muffled reply.
“Your niece.”
BANG. The sound of a bald head meeting a low beam echoed up the stairs, followed by silence.
“Did you hear me, darling?”
Indistinct grumbling from below.
“Are you sure it’s *that* niece?” Mr. Privet’s voice was barely a whisper.
“Yes, dear. Harry Rotter.”
“Harry or Harriet—you should know which.”
“She’s a girl. She just prefers Harry.”
“I don’t know what I know anymore,” Mr. Privet muttered, climbing the narrow stairs. “First your voices, now your relatives.” He emerged, puffing. “Where is she?”
“The sitting room.”
“Our best china’s in there!” He thundered down the hallway and burst through the door.
Inside, Harry was examining a piece of their hand-painted bone china with the intensity of an appraiser.
“That’s an heirloom,” he said quickly, eyeing her canvas bag with suspicion. “Not worth anything, of course.”
“Not worth anything?” Harry raised an eyebrow.
“Not a penny.”
“Then may I have it as a keepsake?”
Mr. Privet nearly choked. “We… we promised your grandmother we’d treasure it always.”
Harry studied his perspiring face for signs of deception. “I see.” Her gaze swept the room. “Surely there’s something among all this that you don’t want.”
“Everything’s spoken for,” he squeaked, then quickly changed subjects. “What brings you here?”
“I’ve already told your wife. I’ll be staying a few days.”
This time Mr. Privet did choke.
Mrs. Privet entered with a tray bearing a tall glass of lemonade. “Everything all right?” she asked, smiling with forced innocence.

Chapter Two: Meet the Son

Over the next few days, Harry settled comfortably into number five Dorsley Drive. The same could not be said for her relationship with Mr. and Mrs. Privet’s beloved son, Box. From the moment Harry laid eyes on his bespectacled face and spindly frame, she had taken an instant dislike to her cousin. Box reciprocated her feelings with equal fervor, but he was no match for Harry’s calculating cruelty and relentless determination to make his existence a living hell.

This war between the cousins strained Harry’s relationship with the Privets, who had always prided themselves on being open-minded and understanding of challenging childhood behavior. They tried—desperately—to ignore the terrible things Harry inflicted upon their only son. She knocked him down the stairs, salted his porridge, and sabotaged the electronic gadgets he treasured by removing every fuse she could find.

Box began avoiding Harry like a plague victim. If he spotted her approaching on the street, he would dart into the nearest shop. When no shops were available, he would scramble up a stranger’s garden path and pound frantically on their door as if his life depended on it.

At home, Box retreated to his bedroom, installing bolt after bolt and lock after lock on his door to protect himself from Harry’s malevolent interference. Every night, the household listened to the ritual: Bang, bang, bang—the sound of Box sliding each bolt home before retreating to the safety of his bed. He would do anything to avoid Harry. Absolutely anything.

Harry, meanwhile, had no need for locks. Who would dare enter her room uninvited? Though she had free run of the house and made full use of it, she too began spending more time in her room—but for entirely different reasons than her cowering cousin. Harry had things to plan.

It had been several days since her escape from Hagswords. Though Harry had conjured a mannequin to replace herself in her dormitory bed, she knew its effectiveness was temporary. Soon the school authorities would begin tracking her, following her trail until they found her at number five Dorsley Drive.

She had considered using a concealment spell to disguise her whereabouts when they came looking, but with all the coming and going at the Privets’ house, the spell would be compromised. The only way to ensure its effectiveness would be to prevent anyone from entering or leaving the house. And she couldn’t do that—could she?

Bang, bang, bang. Another night arrived, and Box sealed himself safely in his bedroom, away from his dreaded cousin.

In the quiet of her room, Harry lay comfortably in bed, absorbed in an ancient book she had discovered hidden in Hagswords’ library. “They’re so stupid at that school,” she hissed. “They call it a school for mysticism and magic—more like a school for tolerance and fear. Fear of hurting the precious feelings of all those pathetic Muddles, and far too much tolerance of them. As for the Principal…” Her lips curved into a cold smile. “I’ll show him. I’ll show them all—including the Muddles—what I’m truly capable of.”

Harry continued reading deep into the night.

The next morning, Box leaped from bed, determined to execute his morning routine at breakneck speed—the pace he’d adopted since Harry’s arrival. His plan was simple: rush through washing, dash downstairs, wolf down breakfast, gulp his tea, grab his satchel, and escape to school before Harry woke.

After carefully sliding open the bolts on his bedroom door, Box peered out to check if the coast was clear.

“Good morning,” Harry said sweetly, her face less than three inches from his nose. “Did you sleep well?”

“I—I—” Box stammered, shocked both by her presence and her unnaturally sweet tone. He slammed the door shut.

Knock knock. “Box, it’s me, Harry,” she continued in that same unsettling sweetness. “Box, are you coming out today?”

Convinced his end was near, that his evil cousin was about to finish him off once and for all, Box said nothing.

“Is that you, Box?” Mrs. Privet called from the bottom of the stairs.

“No, it’s me—Harry.”

Mrs. Privet, startled that Harry was awake so early, returned to the kitchen to prepare the full English breakfast Harry demanded each morning. Poking her head out of the kitchen door, she asked hopefully, “Would you like to go somewhere nice today? The zoo, perhaps?”

It was Saturday. Harry had been so absorbed in her ancient book that she’d lost track of time entirely. Her mind snapped into action. “Yes, I’d love to.” She paused, then added with false enthusiasm, “But only if Box comes along.”

At the kitchen table, Mr. Privet peered over his newspaper and beckoned his wife over. “Now why,” he whispered urgently, “did you have to go and say that?”

Chapter Three: Secrecy at any cost

Next morning, Harry, knocking softly on Box’s bedroom door, whispered, “Box, are you awake?”

Hmm, what is it?” he mumbled sleepily.

I said, are you awake?”

What time is it?” Box asked, rubbing his eyes.

It’s half past six.”

 “Half past six, are you sure?” Box asked, unwilling to believe that even she would consider awakening him at so early an hour. Reaching for his glasses on the bedside locker, and then grabbing hold of his watch, Box gazed sleepily onto its face, to see if he had heard her correctly. Staring at the dial, he saw that it was indeed six thirty.

Yes, I am sure of it,” said Harry, louder this time. “Now are you getting up or do I have to send off for that snake?”

Jumping out of bed, putting on his dressing gown and slippers, Box unbolted the door. Bang, bang, bang, the bolts slid back from their nighttime position. The door, creaking open, revealed the sleepy face of Box, Harry’s tall and whimpishly thin cousin. “What’s the problem,” he asked, yawning and scratching his head.

There’s no problem,” she replied casually. “We have to get started.”

But it’s Sunday,” he protested, “and I always have a lie in on Sundays.”

Not anymore, you don’t,” she said. “Not until our work has been done.”

But we have to buy supplies,” he protested again, “and the electrical shop isn’t open until tomorrow…” But it was useless complaining, Box was simply wasting his time trying to put Harry off, she wanted to get started and nothing would dissuade her from it, absolutely nothing. And he thought, ‘she might really have that snake stashed somewhere nearby, mightn’t she?’ Agreeing, he said, “All right, I’ll get up, but I want some breakfast, first.”

Okay, I’ll see you downstairs,” Harry replied, and with that she dashed down the stairs at full pelt.

Scratching his head, Box wondered what he had done to deserve a cousin such as Harry.

Here you are,” said Harry, pointing to a plate on the table, when Box entered the kitchen.

What’s that?” he asked, sitting down and inspecting the plate with some interest.

A fry-up, of course,” she replied, pushing it closer. “That’ll keep you going…”

Even though he was puzzled – for there was no smell of cooking – Box said nothing; he knew better than to ask her such ‘Muddling’ questions.

And keep the noise down,” Harry warned. “We don’t want to be waking the old cronies.”

Old cronies? Oh, you mean mum and dad,” he said with a laugh. “Y’know, I used to call them that, a while back.”

You did?”

Yep, it’s a funny old world, isn’t it?”

It sure is,” Harry replied, thinking about how many other silly Muddles were living in Dorsley Drive.

When he had finished eating his breakfast, and it was a surprisingly good fry-up, Box asked Harry what was first on the agenda.

Secrecy,” she replied, again in a whisper.

Pardon?”

I said secrecy is the first thing on the agenda,” she insisted. “You must keep everything that we do a secret from your parents!”

Box gulped. “Everything?” You see, up until then he had no secrets hidden from them.

Yes, everything,” she insisted. “And not just them, but everyone you know. Have I made myself clear?”

Yes, I suppose so – but it won’t be easy.”

Harry ignored this comment.

Where are we going?” Box asked, following Harry out from the house.

Somewhere private…”

Harry walked, Box followed.

After buying a pen and a notepad from the local newsagents, Harry led the short distance to the park. After climbing over the locked gates, Harry chose a spot on the grass where they could sit. “Sit down,” she ordered.

Here?”

Yes.”

It might be damp…”

SIT!”

Obeying her, Box sat upon the grass, and then he watched as his troublesome cousin scribbled her thoughts down onto the notepad. It took her a while, to do this, a good while. Bored, waiting for her to finish, Box nonchalantly watched the sparrows scurrying ever closer, hoping for a handout of some food scraps they might have.

When Harry had finally finished recording her thoughts onto the notepad, she handed it to Box, saying, “Take a look, and then tell me what you think.”

Box studied the notes with some interest – all two pages of them. Then turning to a new page, and without saying a word, he asked for the pen. Harry gave it to him. Writing feverously, Box recorded his own thoughts and ideas into the little notepad, filling page after page with ever more complex ideas. Every now and again he would pause for a moment to refer back to his cousin’s scribbles, and then he would start off again, working his way through to the final design. When he was finished, Box had filled fifteen pages with notes, and another two with a list of the materials required for the task.

Here,” he said, returning the notepad to Harry. “Now you take as look…”

Harry studied the plans. When she had seen enough, she said, “It might as well be in double-dutch for all that it means to me, but I trust you, cousin, so lets gets on with it.”

Box grinned; he loved a challenge and this was most certainly a challenge.  The grin disappearing from his face, Box looked terribly worried.

What’s wrong?” said Harry, confused by his change of emotions.

Money!” he replied.

Money, what about money?” Harry asked.

We need some – loads of it,” Box groaned. “That lot will cost us a bomb.”

Leave the matter of money to me,” Harry replied calmly. “You just concentrate on getting the work done.”

Next day, Monday, Harry and Box set off for town and the electrical supplier located therein.

I can’t imagine what has gotten into those two,” said Mrs Privet, pulling back the curtain, watching Harry and Box step up to the bus. “One day they are mortal enemies, and the next they are bosom buddies.”

Sitting at the kitchen table, studying the remains of his son’s fried breakfast, Mr Privet asked, “Any more where this lot came from?”

 Town was busy; Harry hated towns, there were far too many Muddles in them for her liking. “Which way?” she asked, narrowly avoiding a youth speeding passed, on a motor scooter.

This way,” said Box, pointing up the hill.

It was a long walk, up that hill, to where the best electrical supplier in town was located. Unaccustomed to such extreme walking, Harry’s legs soon began to ache. “Why couldn’t they have built their shop at the bottom of the hill?” she complained. Then remembering that it was Muddles she was talking about, she laughed, saying, “No, don’t answer that.”

As they stepped into the old shop, the bell over the door jingled signalling their arrival. An ancient man standing behind a dusty old counter studied them over the top of his equally as dusty spectacle lenses. “Can I help you?” he asked.

I certainly hope so,” said Harry.

Box handed the man their list of requirements.

Hmm,” he said, making his way through the long list, “a most unusual mixture of items… What is it you said you were making?”

We didn’t,” Harry snapped.

We’re making a transmitter,” Box lied, thinking this approach better than his cousin’s confrontational one.

A transmitter, you say,” said the man, pushing his grimy glasses up to the top of his head. Harry wondered how he had managed to see through them at all.

Yes,” explained Box, “but it’s only an experiment, nothing big, you know…”

You really need a licence, you do know that?”

We do, but it’s only an experiment, for school, and a temporary one at that.”

Hmm,” said the man, reaching under the counter for his order book into which he began writing. “In that case, I suppose it’s all right.” When he had finished copying Box’s list into his book, he stepped through a doorway leading into the rear of the shop and disappeared from sight. 

Relieved that they were getting their supplies, Box turned away from the counter and studied the electrical advertising posters sticky taped to the walls. Harry stared out the window, bored.

After waiting for a good twenty minutes, they heard the sound of slow footsteps signalling the return of the old man. Puffing and panting he emerged through the doorway, carrying two cardboard boxes, one under each arm, loaded with electrical items, that he plonked down heavily on the counter. A cloud of fine dust rose high into the still air. Harry coughed.

There you are,” he said, “everything you were a wanting. Some of these things were stashed way back to the rear of the shelves, hadn’t sold any of them for years. Thought I never would. Just goes to show, doesn’t it?”

Thanks,” said Box. “How much do we owe you?”

I have the bill in here somewhere,” he said, rummaging about in one of the boxes. “Ah, here it is.” He handed it to him.  Box almost fainted when he saw how much it amounted to.

Snatching the bill, Harry said, “Give that to me.” After inspecting it, the final figure that is, without flinching as much as an eyelid, Harry opened her shoulder bag and withdrew a small purse.”There you are,” she said, offering three golden coins to the man, “and you can keep the change.”

Inspecting the coins, he said, “Are you sure? These are worth an awful lot more that the bill amount to!”

Without saying another word, Harry opened the door and instructed Box to carry the boxes. Grabbing hold of them, struggling under their weight, he followed her out from the shop, asking, “Where did you get those coins from?”

CONTD

 

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Bolf was sick…

Bolf was sick…

Troll Bolf lay heavy upon his stone slab bed, a slab he had hewn from the mountainside himself in a single afternoon. Now, the effort to simply roll over made his cavernous chest ache and his rocky limbs feel as brittle as dried twigs. His strength, once the pride of the Whispering Peaks, was a grim, forgotten tale. A dreadful misfortune had shadowed his cave, and the great, simple troll was utterly baffled.

He wasn’t wounded. No knight had been foolish enough to challenge him in a decade. He hadn’t wrestled a rockslide or angered a river spirit. Yet, a weakness he’d never known had seeped into his very bones. The healer-moss he chewed on tasted like dust, and the cool cavern air felt thick and suffocating.

A colossal sneeze, a true earth-shaker, ripped through him. It sent pebbles skittering across the floor and disturbed the ancient dust motes dancing in the single shaft of light from his cave’s entrance. With a shuddering gasp, Bolf grabbed a burdock leaf the size of a shield and blew his nose. The sound was like a mournful foghorn. He wiped his tired, bloodshot eyes with the back of a hand that could once pulverize granite, a hand that now trembled with a quiet, sad clasp.

The diagnosis, whispered by a wise old badger who dabbled in forest ailments, was as perplexing as it was dire. Bird flu.

Bird flu! Bolf had grumbled, his voice a low rumble. Bolf has no wings. Bolf does not soar. Bolf keeps his feet on the good, solid ground.

But the badger had just twitched his whiskers knowingly and scurried away, leaving Bolf to his misery and the looming mystery. How could it be?

In the feverish haze, as shadows of sickness flickered and danced on the damp stone walls, his thoughts drifted back. Back a week, to the great storm that had lashed the mountains. He had been checking his snares when he heard it—a pathetic, high-pitched peeping from the base of a giant pine. There, half-drowned and trembling in a puddle, was a tiny fledgling, a scrap of brown feather and fear, fallen from its nest.

Ordinarily, Bolf might have ignored it. Trolls were not known for their tenderness. But something in the creature’s desperate fight for life stirred a forgotten softness in his stony heart. With a gentleness that defied his immense size, he had scooped the little bird into his palm. It was so light, it felt like nothing at all. He had taken it back to his cave, tucking it into an old, moss-lined helmet near the warmth of his fire pit.

For three days, he had been its clumsy, devoted guardian. He mashed wild berries with his thumb for it to eat and let it sip water from the cup of his hand. He remembered the little bird shivering, letting out tiny, wet sneezes that misted his calloused skin. He had watched, filled with a strange, gruff pride, as its strength returned. One morning, it had hopped onto his finger, chirped a song that was surprisingly loud for its size, and then, with a brave flutter, had flown out of the cave and into the morning sun.

Bolf’s foggy mind cleared for a moment with a jolt of horrid understanding. The fledgling. The sneezes. The sickness hadn’t come from the sky; it had come from an act of kindness.

A wave of despair washed over him, colder than any mountain stream. His good deed had brought this peril upon him. As his hopes flickered dim, he felt a tear, hot and gritty, trace a path through the grime on his cheek. He refused to yield, but the fight felt impossibly lonely.

Just then, a faint sound reached his ears. Chirp-chirp-tweet!

A tiny shadow darted through the sunbeam at the cave’s entrance. It was the fledgling, no longer a shivering scrap but a confident young robin. It landed without fear on the edge of Bolf’s stone bed. In its beak, it held a single, deep purple elderberry, glistening and perfect.

The bird hopped closer, nudging the berry against Bolf’s rough chin. It looked at him with its bright, black eyes, a look of pure, uncomplicated trust. It was a gift. A thank you. A reminder of the life he had saved.

In that small gesture, something shifted inside the mighty troll. The courage and love that had prompted him to save the bird were now being returned to him. He was not alone in his fight. Though peril threatened, the spirit of that small act of kindness refused to be concealed.

With a monumental effort, Bolf pushed himself up on one elbow. He opened his mouth, and the robin gently dropped the berry inside. It was just one berry, not nearly enough to cure him, but it tasted of hope. It was a promise.

So heal, brave Troll Bolf. Rise from despair. Watched over by his tiny, winged friend, he would drink the water and chew the moss, letting health and joy chase away the dark glare. For he had learned a profound truth in his sickness: even for a great troll of stone and earth, the spirit may soar, and brighter tomorrows, filled with the most unlikely of friendships, were waiting to restore.

The single berry was a spark in the vast, cold emptiness of his sickness. It was not a cure, but it was a reason. The robin, having delivered its precious cargo, fluffed its chest feathers and let out a trill of encouraging chirps before darting back out of the cave. Bolf watched it go, a tiny brown dart against the brilliant blue sky. He lay back on the slab, the singular sweetness of the elderberry still on his tongue, a taste so profoundly different from the dusty moss and stale air that had been his world.

A new thought, slow and heavy as a glacier, began to move through his mind. Kindness brought the sickness. Kindness can bring the cure.

The little robin, who Bolf decided to call Pip, seemed to have the very same thought. Pip did not abandon his giant friend. He became a tiny, feathered general marshalling an army of the woods. The story of the sick troll and the grateful bird spread on the forest wind, whispered from branch to branch, chittered from den to den. At first, the other creatures were hesitant. Bolf was a force of nature, a landmark to be avoided. His sickness was his own affair.

But Pip was persistent. He chirped the story to the squirrels, who remembered Bolf once dislodging a whole branch of ripe acorns for them during a lean autumn, an act they’d mistaken for clumsy destruction. He sang it to the deer, who recalled the troll diverting a rockslide that would have destroyed their favourite grazing meadow. He even found the wise old badger again, not to scold him, but to show him the single elderberry stalk, a symbol of a debt being repaid.

The badger, shamed by the tiny bird’s courage, was the first to act. He knew of a hidden grove on the sun-drenched southern slope where elderberries grew thick and heavy. He organised the squirrels, their nimble paws perfect for harvesting. Soon, a procession began. A constant stream of small creatures, brave in their shared purpose, scurried to the mouth of Bolf’s cave. They brought elderberries, dropping them one by one into the same moss-lined helmet that had once cradled Pip. They brought tangy sorrel leaves to soothe his throat and fat, juicy grubs, which Bolf politely declined but appreciated the gesture.

Bolf watched the proceedings in a feverish daze. A family of field mice dragged a single, glistening drop of morning dew on a broad leaf, a minuscule offering that required their entire family’s strength. He saw them, and something inside his rocky chest, something harder than bone, began to soften. He had lived his long life in solitude, priding himself on his independence. He had seen the forest animals as incidental, background noise to his immense existence. Now, they were his lifeline.

Pip was his constant companion, perching on the craggy landscape of Bolf’s brow, cleaning his beak on a stony earlobe. He would chirp updates from the forest and peck gently at Bolf’s lips to remind him to drink from the pool of water gathering in a hollow of his stone bed, a pool slowly being filled by the leaf-cup brigade.

With each berry consumed, with each sip of water, Bolf felt the fever loosen its grip. The aches in his cavernous chest became less pronounced. The weakness in his limbs was replaced by a slow, returning tide of power. One morning, he sat up without the world spinning. He took a deep breath, and for the first time in weeks, the air tasted clean and sweet.

He looked at the helmet, now overflowing with berries, roots, and leaves—a tribute from a world he had never truly known. He looked at Pip, who was preening on his shoulder, a loyal speck of life.

His strength returned, but it was different now. It was not the lonely, brute force of a mountain but the deep, rooted strength of a forest, interconnected and alive. When he finally stood and walked to the mouth of his cave, the sunlight no longer felt like an intrusion but a welcome. The forest did not fall silent as he emerged. Instead, a chorus of chirps, chitters, and rustles seemed to greet him, a quiet acknowledgement of their shared victory.

Bolf, the great troll of the Whispering Peaks, was no longer just a fearsome resident. He was a neighbour. And he had learned that true strength wasn’t just in hewing stone from a mountainside; it was in the gentle scoop of a hand, the offering of a single berry, and the quiet, unshakeable loyalty of the very smallest of friends.

 

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He caught bird flu though he don’t even fly…

He caught bird flu though he don’t even fly…

Troll Bolf lies heavy, feeling so frail,
His strength now wanes, a silent, grim tale.
A dreadful misfortune has darkened his day,
And mystery looms—what could it be, pray?

He caught bird flu, though no wings to soar,
A puzzling illness he’s never known before.
He blows his nose with a shuddering gasp,
Wipes his tired eyes in a quiet, sad clasp.

In shadows of sickness, hopes flicker dim,
Yet strength resides deep within his grim,
Though peril may threaten, he refuses to yield,
For courage and love refuse to be concealed.

So heal, brave Troll Bolf, rise from despair,
Let health and joy chase away the dark glare—
For even in sickness, the spirit may soar,
And brighter tomorrows await to restore.

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Ireland is calling…

 

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Mad Mr Viscous glueing again

Mad Mr Viscous glueing again

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Mad Mr Viscous, the owner of a glue factory, is hell-bent on making his fortune, selling glue made from his secret ingredient – horses. Determined to put a stop to it, Jimmy and his best friend Eric set off on a fantastic adventure, battling witches, warlocks, animalistics – and MAD MR VISCOUS.

In a town, not so distant, where shadows often grew,
Stood a factory tall and eerie, owned by Mad Mr. Viscous, too.
A place where whispers grew to tales of old,
Where children’s feet grew cold, when they were told,
Of the glue that bound the very souls of the town so true.

Mad Mr. Viscous, with his wild cackling laugh,
And eyes that gleamed like a madman’s half-lit staff,
With his apron stained and his hat askew,
He’d stir and mix, brew and cast,
The stickiest glue that ever was.

He’d gather the ingredients under the moon’s pale glow,
In his cauldron of secrets, in his workshop of woe.
Bones of the lost and the tears of the damned,
All to make his potion so grand,
A glue that could hold fast what the world did not know.

The factory chimneys, they’d belch forth a smoke,
Thick and black, like the darkest of jokes,
It wrapped around the town like a shroud,
Silencing the cries of those who’d dared approach,
To the lair of Mad Mr. Viscous, in his glue factory so cloak.

The walls were thick with the whispers of the trapped,
Their cries for help forever enrapt,
In the sticky embrace of the glue so foul,
A prison of despair, a fate so cruel,
Where the lost souls of the town did forever dwell.

He’d catch the town’s secrets, the whispers in flight,
With his glue, he’d bind them tight,
To the pages of his tome of lore,
Where they could speak nevermore,
Forever silenced in the glue factory’s lightless well.

The townsfolk lived in fear, each day anew,
Of the madman and his glue that grew,
They knew not what he sought to achieve,
What twisted plot did he conceive,
In the heart of his factory so fell and fell.

One brave soul, young and bright, did dare,
To venture forth in the moon’s gossamer glare,
With a heart of hope and a sprig of peppermint,
To set the secrets and souls free from their glint,
And to bring an end to the madman’s reign so fell.

In she crept, through the doors of despair,
The smell of amber and fear in the air,
The cauldron bubbled with a witch’s brew,
As Mad Mr. Viscous sang his tune so true,
Oblivious to the girl with the minty flair.

With a touch of the mint to the cauldron’s side,
The glue began to loosen its tie,
The whispers grew louder, the smoke grew thin,
As the souls began to unbind,
From the madness that had held them there.

The secrets flew out, a storm of white,
Their voices now free to take flight,
They soared through the town, a silent scream,
Exposing the lies of the madman’s scheme,
And the truth was revealed to all to see.

Mad Mr. Viscous, his plan unfurled,
Faced the wrath of the souls of the world,
They bound him in his own glue so fast,
In his factory that was now theirs at last,
And the town, once bound, was free and clear.

The chimneys now smoke-free, the air so mild,
The children laugh, their spirits wild,
The glue factory stands, a monument of old,
But now it’s a place of tales so bold,
Where Mad Mr. Viscous’s spirit is forever curled.

So if you’re ever in a town so blue,
Where whispers of the past come through,
Remember the girl with the minty might,
And the madman who lost his fight,
In the glue factory that saw the light of day appear.

 

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Free eBooks for EVERYONE – it’s true!

Free eBooks for everyone, for sure, at… free eBooks for everyone

an american man enjoying himself in ireland

 

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2025 in ebooks, free, free ebooks

 

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The Crazymad Writer Writes Again

The Crazymad Writer Writes Again

The Crazymad Writer Writes Again. Yes. it is true, I am writing again, in a mad frenzy to tell you all that I know.

 

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My FREE eBooks shop online

My FREE eBooks shop online

Click on the link and download as many free books as you want. Enjoy.

https://payhip.com/ebooksforchildren

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Posted by on June 26, 2025 in free, free ebooks

 

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32nd December.

32nd December.

If you liked Harry Potter you will love this story
As I sat uneasily atop my hound-horse, a large and fast animal as much greyhound as horse, I slipped my left hand into my jacket pocket and felt the cold steel of my trusty old lighter. Grasping tightly securing it in my sweating palm I carefully removed it from my suit pocket exposing the shiny metal to the bright rays of sunlight. My eyes, looking down onto my now open hand, squinted as the reflected rays tore away in several distinct directions, and my fingers clutched its familiar presence ever tighter. It was only a common and ever so ordinary cigarette lighter, but I felt an affinity with it; like that of an old friend. I ran my fingers along it, like petting an dog, then suddenly an almighty crack of thunder exploding directly overhead, in a tempestuous fury, brought my attention back to the task in hand the outcome of which promised life or death to each and everyone of us. So, without further ado, I cleared my mind and began speaking. I began reciting words, words which had only seconds earlier entered my tired brain, I said…”

“I hold this item in this my hand
To act as a bridge in these our plans
We need a distraction, a disturbance right now
To help Kakuri and the HU BA HOU.”

“No sooner had I finished speaking, and the last word left my lips, the sky began to darken. The dark clouds, appearing from nowhere, grew larger and larger and blacker and blacker until they had joined together in one congealed mass of undiluted anger. In a few short minutes the sky had changed from a deep summer blue to a black so dark day had turned into night.
Some of the assembled hound-horses sidestepped nervously, their handlers struggling to calm them. The wind began to blow, soft at first, but increasingly stronger. Then the heavens, opening in a deluge of rain, spewed thunder and lightning the likes of which I had never before seen; a storm, a full-blown storm was upon us.”
“And a storm was exactly what Kakuri needed. Through the driving rain, speaking directly to the HU BA HOU, she said, ‘Now my friend, it’s up to you – do your best.’ And with those words still lingering in its cavernous ears the huge animal took off at full-gallop heading straight for the Timeless Gates guarding the walled city of Onisha. The animal, sensing this was the final offensive, kept its large heavyset and armour-plated head well down. The storm now so intense Kakuri had, after only a few seconds, lost all sense of direction. She had no way of knowing if she was still on course, all she could do was trust the HU BA HOU, and hold on for dear life.”
“As if that were not enough for me to be worried about Kiliki had, meanwhile, given the order to the impatient, assembled Onishians to attack. And who could blame their impatience? It was their land, and they wanted revenge! The entire rag-tag collection of Onishians and their assorted animals plus the Orlu (a separate race of small ever obliging speedy people) were now hot on Kakuri’s heels with no intention of being left behind in the middle of nowhere, and in such a terrible storm. Soaked to the skin they all rushed headlong into the unknown. Some shouted, others roared and still others screamed with the delight they felt rising up against the man who had promised so much, who had given so little and who taken everything.”
“I could see the huge beast’s armour-plated defences, which had, only hours earlier, been carefully crafted by the ingenious Orlu, sparkling brilliantly in the reflected lightning flashes. The plates, of every conceivable shape and size, colliding with one another clanged loudly in a surreal musical tempo, and if there was anybody, within the walled city, still capable of seeing through the blinding, driving rain they would have been filled with the fear of God.
Suddenly, just short of the still-defiant gates, the HU BA HOU stopped. We all stopped dead in our tracks, wondering just what could be the problem. Then the tank, the ugly humpy-tank of an animal, clawing at the ground (like a bull), rising on its hind legs (like a horse) while roaring its own unique ear-shattering cry lifted its large, ugly head one last time before hurling itself forward with the gates set firmly in its sights, nothing could stop it now…”

“Watching, from the relative safety of a short distance behind, my mind wandered trying to remember how this had all come about. Why, only a few days earlier I had been all set for Christmas. I remembered sitting comfortably in front on the TV, looking forward to a well-earned rest. And now, here I was in an alien land about to follow a fair maiden atop an abomination of a creature called a HU BA HOU in an assault on a walled city, searching for a man called Miafra – for a man who would be a god. Searching for a man who had stopped time, stolen the chi (the free will) of the people and drained the powers of the most revered Mystic in the entire land. My thoughts, racing, drifted back to Christmas Eve those few short days ago…”

fantasy story

eBooks for children; fantasy stories.

 

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