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Monthly Archives: October 2013

Aliens Landed in Ballykilduff

Another great eBook

by The Crazymad Writer

Aliens landed in Ballykilduff,

Aliens landed; that is a fact,

In the dark of the night it happened, it did,

At the end of my garden they landed, then hid.

Chapter One

 

I was lying in bed, sleeping soundly one night, when something, a noise outside my bedroom widow woke me with a start. Sitting up in bed, I said, “What on earth was that?” However, despite listening intently I heard nothing else. Lying down again, I pulled the bed clothes tightly around me. “Brrr,” I said, shivering from the cold, “it feels more like winter than summer.” Pulling the bed clothes higher around me, I said, “This global warming thing, they keep telling us about, sure is cold.” With those words on my lips I fell fast asleep.

A few minutes the same noise woke me again. Rubbing my sleepy eyes, I said, “What on earth can it be?” Sitting up, I yawned, trying to figure it out. Scratching my head, I leaned over to the clock. Grabbing hold of it, I gazed it the dial. “It’s a quarter to four!” I grizzled. Scratching my head some more, I said, “Whoever is making that noise could have picked a better time in which to do it.”

Then I heard it again; the same noise, followed by the sound of banging and hammering. “Surely the neighbours aren’t fixing their car at this ungodly hour!” I groaned. “It has been giving them some trouble of late, but fixing it now, at a quarter to four in the morning, is going too far, so it is!”

The banging and hammering noises grew steadily louder. “It can’t be them, can it?” I growled. Getting out of bed, I shuffled across to the window. Pulling the curtains apart, I gazed outside, to their back garden. It was shrouded in darkness. “Well, it certainly ain’t them,” I said thankfully, “unless they can see in the dark.” Abandoning the curtain, I returned to bed.

I had only just laid my head on the pillow when the banging and hammering started again. Jumping out of bed, I groaned, “Will someone please tell me what is going on around here?”

Awakening from her slumbers, my wife, Breda, said, “What are you doing, Gerrard, standing at the end of the bed, ranting like a mad man?”

“I am sorry,” I answered. “I didn’t mean to awaken you.”

“Well, you did a good job of doing it,” she sarcastically replied. “What has you so worked up, anyhow?” she asked.

“It’s that noise,” I told her.

“Noise – what noise?”

“It was there a minute ago – honest it was.”

“Well, it’s not now!” she snapped. “Come to bed. You were probably having a dream.”

“More like a nightmare,” I grumbled. Approaching the widow, I pulled back the curtain, hoping to see the perpetrator going about his foul business. However, our garden, like our neighbour’s was shrouded in darkness.

“Forget about it,” Breda said to me. “On the morrow, we will go outside and see if anything is amiss. Meanwhile, get into bed lest you catch your death of cold!”

“Global warning, they keep telling us,” I said, grumbling about the weather.

“I’ll ‘global warming’ you if you don’t hush up and let me sleep!” she answered.

Suddenly, as I was letting go of the curtain an extraordinary bright flash outside secured my undivided attention.

CONTD

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where you can purchase my eBooks.

**********

 
 

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Wikipedia Doesn’t Know Me

Wikipedia Doesn’t Know Me

**********

Mad Eye Moody, can it really be,

That splendid interpretation, a hero so free?

Who gave up his all for the cry of the truth?

So we could know that good is forsooth.

 

Yes, they can all Twitter, be it here, be it there,

About American Idol and Celebrities fair,

But can they replace the genius, so fine,

Like Rowling and Dahl – or Wilson’s strange mind?

 

When next you are shopping in Wal-Mart, I think,

If its bargains you’re after then remember the ink,

On the paper, in the book section, where I’m waiting for sure,

To temp you with my writing so as to open that door.

 

And when it is open my world of strange stuff,

Will entrance and beguile you; the air will be hushed,

As you read about Alice, the Cat and the Mouse,

Harry Rotter and Jimmy – and Beetle About.

 

Forget about Powerball, cars and the news,

Never mind Danny Choo – who is he? I muse

Wikipedia doesn’t know me but, heck, do I care?

When I’ve got so many readers in the real world out there.

**********

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Posted by on October 14, 2013 in Stories for children

 

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Red-hot Chilli Cola!

Red-hot Chilli Cola!

Hot, hot – ever so hot!

New Chilli Cola,

(It burns on the spot).

Will you dare try,

A sip of this beast?

Cola so hot, it makes your eyes weep.

 **********

Hot, hot – ever so hot!

New Chilli Cola,

How I forgot;

EVERYTHING after the very first sip,

Faded away, it was burnt to a crisp.

 **********

Hot, hot – ever so hot!

New Chilli Cola,

It burns on the spot,

This is your chance,

To step up and see,

If you are made of the stuff,

To enjoy this unique treat.

Well, do you think you are up tough enough to try some?

**********

 

 
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Posted by on October 14, 2013 in children's stories

 

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Stone The Crows

Stone The Crows

 

Stone the crows.

What can you mean?

I said stone the crows.

You are awful mean,

To think you could hurt such wonderful birds,

I say stone you too, you are so absurd.

**********

Stone the crows.

Not YOU again.

Stone the crows.

You are not my friend,

That you could maim such marvellous things,

I say stone you too, you horrible thing!

**********

Stone the crows,

It’s a figure of speech!

Stone the crows?

It’s how I speak,

It means, Well I never,

I won’t harm the birds.

Stone the crows are such wonderful words.

**********

Stories for children and young at heart adults

by The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH!

 
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Posted by on October 14, 2013 in poems, The Crazymad Writer

 

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The Fertilizer Mine

The Fertilizer Mine

(From the story Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World)

Fertilizer is a thing we don’t always sees,

Though it’s used quite a lot, know yous this if yous please.

It’s a spread on the ground, all around and around,

The plants that are a needing it, by the once and the pound.

Oh, I’s loves my business when I’m mining the stuff,

I’s carts it around and then I’s bags it right up.

I’s stores it away until it’s needed, for sure,

T’bring on the plants in a glorious rapport.

I’m the luckiest, here, elf in charge of this mine,

This wonderful place, the luckiest of finds.

I’s thank my stars that I’s can be of some help,

T’bring on the plants into a wonderful health.

T’end this here ditty, hear you this boys and girls,

If yous ever come t’visit the top of the world,

Yous’ll get a right welcome and a tour of this mine,

Then return home again in a new frame of mind.

*******************

Stories for children and young at heart adults

by The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH!

 

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Time Does Not Exist

Time Does Not Exist

Time does not exist…

Ah, but here’s the twist,

It’s always NOW.

 No before or then,

No happy ever after,

For mice and men.

It’s NOW,

It has always been NOW,

Before and after,

Is just a silly dream.

*****

Stories for children and young at heart adults

by The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH!

 
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Posted by on October 13, 2013 in Stories for children

 

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I Am a Cat, it said Smiling at Her

I Am a Cat, it said Smiling at Her

I am a Cat, it said smiling at her,

A Cheshire Cat; you can tell by my fur,

My paws and whiskers are also a hint,

But the smile on my face is most significant.

…………………………………………

I can see by your fur, said Alice – I do,

And also your paws and whiskers; it’s true,

But that smile on your face has me all in a tizz,

Coming and going, in such a whiz.

………………………………………

Still smiling at Alice, the Cat dryly replied,

You’d never believe me; you’d think I had lied,

If the smile on my face was gone; it’s a fact,

No one would listen or look at this Cat.

………………………………………….

Without offering Alice a chance to reply,

The Cat went on with his horrible lie,

Creeping closer and closer, until ever so near,

When he pounced, lashed out, cutting her ear.

…………………………………………..

Feeling the hurt and the blood running down,

Alice said, I was such a clown,

To have ever believed a Cat with a grin,

Take that, and that, you horrible thing!

 

 
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Posted by on October 13, 2013 in Alice in Wonderland

 

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Paint The Roses, Quickly, Quickly!

Paint The Roses, Quickly, Quickly!

Hurry – hurry!

The Queen is coming!

Paint the roses, quickly, quickly.

Hurry – HURRY!

I hear her creeping,

As ever faster my heart is beating!

Sorry – sorry!

We’ve failed our duty,

The Queen has seen us, sadly, badly!

Hurry – HURRY!

We must scamper,

Lest our heads with them she tampers!

HURRY – OH HURRY!

(There is no hurry),

Our heads were targeted; we’re lost; they’ve parted.

All is calm.

 

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Conkers Bonkers

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where you can purchase my eBooks.

Conkers is a pastime,

That we remember every year,

When September comes we search about,

To find these gems, so rare.

And when we’ve collected bagfuls,

Enough for you and me,

We rush them home to sort and grade,

Into classes one to three.

The first we use immediately,

To try our luck at play,

The second, we treat, cure and bake,

Into champions, I do say.

The third we leave for a whole year long,

Lodged in the chimney flue,

Until their day of glory comes,

I’ll make do with grades one and two.

 

 
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Posted by on October 13, 2013 in Stories for children

 

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Giggle My Boots

Giggle My Boots

Giggle my boots, gaggle my hat,

Goggle my shirtsleeves and fraggle that cat.

I am friggled with laughter, for I know that it’s true,

That you really do love me and not Johnny Lazoo.

You see, Johnny Lazoo, a man of some strength,

Wanted to court you, wanted to bend,

Your ear with his stories, your eye with his looks,

But you never gave him as much as one look.

The day that you said, Yes, I’ll marry you, I will,

Was the happiest day of my life; it was brill,

To think that you chose me over Johnny Lazoo,

Makes me friggle with laughter knowing it’s true.

Before I head off with my bride and my life,

I will give you this piece of excellent advice.

If you are planning to woo your beau, here’s the rub,

Friggle her with laughter and griggle her with love.

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Posted by on October 13, 2013 in Stories for children

 

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