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Author Archives: The Crazymad Writer

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About The Crazymad Writer

FREE EBOOKS FOR ALL, that's what I say, FREE EBOOKS FOR ALL, courtesy of ME, The Crazymad Writer. Stories for children and young at heart adults. And remember, my eBooks are FREE FREE FREE!

FREE CHEESE for the People

CHEESE

I am your leader, he said, snarling at us,

The prime minister of Ireland, now what’s all the fuss,

I gave you some cheese – and a whole lot at that,

You should be grateful, you scurrilous brats!
*
We don’t want your cheese, we answered – and quick,

We want money in our pockets, not cheap little tricks,

Give your cheese to the bankers, and try some yourself,

Perhaps it will choke you; then we can govern ourselves.

(You know it makes sense,
And if it doesn’t make sense,
It’s a load of nonsense).

**************

Cheese, cheese, good for your heart,

The more you eat, the longer you’ll last,

The longer you last, the more taxes you’ll pay,

Eat cheese every day.

 
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Posted by on July 7, 2014 in humor, humour, Ireland, poems

 

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Alice in Wonderland with the complaining flamingo SONG

alice in wonderland with the flamingo

‘Hold still,’ Alice said to the bird,

‘Hold still,’ she insisted, ‘I must be heard!

You must strike the ball, though it hurts you so,

Hold still dear bird, then I’ll let you go’.

*

‘Quark, quark!’ said bird in reply to Alice,

‘QUARK, QUARK!’ it professed with great menace.

‘I will peck you good if you do not let me go.

QUARK’, it screeched. ‘You have been warned, you know!’

*

‘Oh PLEASE give me time to play the game,

I’ll try to be gentle’, Alice so reframed.

‘And if you do happen to be injured, some,

I will tend your injuries, each and every one’.

*

‘If I agree to let you use me as a bat,’

Said the bird to Alice, and that’s a fact,

‘You must promise to pay me one bright new shilling,

Only then can you hope to ever win.’

 *

‘I will, I will!’ Alice cried out with joy,

‘I will pay you one shilling, and that’s no lie,’

With that she lifted the bird so high,

Struck the ball hard and the poor bird died.

****************

Alice in Wonderland is now on Top of the World

A brand-new story about Alice (see below).

A Christmas Alice in Wonderland story

Click HERE to visit my online eBook shop

where you can purchase this exciting new book.

 
 

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I’m 50; it came so fast

Bolf.

I’m 50; it came so fast,

The big five-0, I am aghast.

Where are the years? They flew so fast,

As close to the grave I pass.

If I could have that time again,

Oh, what changes I would make.

***********************8

 
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Posted by on July 7, 2014 in news

 

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♫♪ Dustbin Man ♫♪

Dustbin man

♫♪ Dustbin Man ♫♪

Dustbin man, dustbin man, ho, ho, ho, I’m the dustbin man,
Smelly bins, dusty bins, full of pongy stuff,
The dustbin man says I must rush!

Milk cart man, milk cart man, ho, ho, ho, I’m the milk cart man,
Ice cold milk, fresh cold milk, milk so good to drink,
The milk cart man says, drink, drink, drink!

Bread van man, bread van man, ho, ho, ho, I’m the bread van man,
Fresh hot bread, white hot bread, bread so good to eat,
The bread van man says, eat, eat, eat!

Dustbin man, dustbin man, ho, ho, ho, I’m the dustbin man,
Smelly bins, dusty bins, full of pongy things
The dustbin man says sing, sing, sing!!!

*******************

Stories for children and young at heart adults

by The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH.

 

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He had Ten Thousand Men (a new take on an old nursery rhyme)

He had Ten Thousand Men…

 1

The grand old duke of York
He had ten thousand men
He marched them up to the top of the hill
And he marched them down again

 2

And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only half way up
They were neither up nor down

3

The grand old duke of York
He had ten thousand cats
They scratched their way to the top of the hill
And scratched back down – it’s a fact!

4

And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only half way up
They were neither up nor down

5

The grand old duke of York
He had ten thousand snails
They slithered they way to the top of the hill
And slid back on slimy trails

6

And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only half way up
They were neither up nor down

 7

The grand old duke of York
He had ten thousand mice
They scurried right up to the top of the hill
Not once, not twice, but THRICE!

8

And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only half way up
They were neither up nor down

9

The grand old duke of York
He had ten thousand ants
They marched their way to the top of the hill
And marched back down, so grand

 10

And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only half way up
They were neither up nor down

11

The grand old duke of York
He had ten thousand skunks
They smelt their way to the top of the hill
And came back down like monks?

 12

And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only half way up
They were neither up nor down

 13

The grand old duke of York
He had ten thousand fish
They swam their way to the top of the hill
And swam back down with chips

14

And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only half way up
They were neither up nor down

 15

The grand old duke of York
He had ten thousand birds
They flew right over the top of the hill
Far away, but, hey, that’s birds!

 16

And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
But when they were gone, so truly gone
They were surely not up or down

 
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Posted by on July 7, 2014 in nursery rhymes

 

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Doctor Who and the Daleks

dalek

Doctor Who and the Daleks
‘Doctor Who and the Daleks?’ I hear you say,
‘Who can they be, and what an affray,
On our minds and our wits at this time of appeal,
Of recession, so biting, and scares very real.’

It’s the DOCTOR, I tell you, the DOCTOR, that’s WHO,
And as for the Daleks, well, my mind is askew,
If I were to explain who they in fact are,
I’d need several years, and still not get far.

‘Oh, the DOCTOR, THE DOCTOR,’ you answer me back,
‘Why didn’t you say so, why didn’t you track,
The way I was feeling, so peeved by the mire,
Unlike our politicians, in splendid retire.

In splendid retire, ensconced in their towers,
Of ivory white, not grey and ragged like ours.
But they’ll get their comeuppance, of that I am sure
When the Daleks exterminate these pariahs.’

Daleks

 
 

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There once was a boy named Dan

Stories for children

There once was a boy named Dan,

Who wanted to fry in a pan.

He tried and he tried until he eventually died,

What a weird little boy was Dan.

*******************

Stories for children and young at heart adults

by The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH.

 

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Do you want to be certified as a true practitioner of Mysticology and Magic? If so, simply right click on the certificate, below, and save it to your computer. Then print it out, filling in your name in the space provided. You will then be an honorary member of the Onishian Brotherhood of Mystics.

Certificate in mysticology and magic

**************************

Stories for children and young at heart adults

by The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH.

 

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The Brittas Empire

The Brittas Empire

The Brittas Empire

The Brittas Empire lives again,

Oh, yes it does, or so it is claimed,

By those who loved it while on our TVs,

The Brittas Empire it is a must-see.

If it is back, pray tell me – please do,

Where I can see it, where I can view,

Is it on BBC1 or ITV 2?

Tell me, oh tell me, where I can view.

Ah, I understand what you mean,

Mr Brittas and his crew are eternally screened,

On YouTube, forevermore entertaining us all.0

*****************

 
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Posted by on July 7, 2014 in TV

 

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Sir Gerrard

Sir Gerrard

Gerrard, Sir Gerrard – are you sure that it’s so,
Your title, your label, or are you having a go,
At me, your poor servant, a man dearthly low?

Gerrard, Sir Gerrard, pray tell me, with haste,
How you got it, your title, your rank and your place?
Cos I want it, really want it, so I can lift up my face.

I got it, my title, after years of hard slog,
Writing stories for children; my mind was agog.
I was tired, so tired, when I knelt down before,
The Queen, then she tapped me and I fell to the floor, asleep.

***************

 
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Posted by on July 6, 2014 in news

 

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